Deprived...

In all honesty - not being able to sleep sucks.

I've had some bouts of insomnia for the past two weeks or so, and it's one of the worst feelings ever. I'm like a...mentally deficient drone just laying there, listening to my ceiling fan. I don't even know if my eyes are open or closed; the room is dark - when I blink, nothing changes. It's interesting, actually, because I've been more active lately, which results in my body getting more tired, yet I'm still unable to drift off into happy land.

I suppose it's the late-night gaming I have been actively engaged in (damn you Fallout: New Vegas). Perhaps I need to drink less tea, as my mom proposed (which I flatly refused - you do not tell me to stop drinking my tea! I need at least one pick-me-up in a day of lows >.>"). Or, maybe I'm not making enough of...uh...what's it called...?

Something technically scientific. Lemme think a moment...

MELATONIN! That's what it is! Ahhhh I'm awesome.

Yeah, I was listening to the "John Tesh Radio Show" (he's some old dude who has some pretty coolio facts for life) and he said that drinking tart cherry juice helps with melatonin build-up, which helps sleep. And, since I clearly have a disorder - that was sarcasm, guys - I should try it out. Too bad it's not just sittin' there in the local grocery store. I'd have to travel to the Trader Joe's...and the gas prices, even though they lowered by approximately ten cents, are still horrible. Y U SO EXPENSIVE????

Orientation Notes

Dude, so being in the big city makes you realize how 1) lonely you really are in the world, 2) how many people around you smoke pot and party, despite looking absolutely "normal", and 3) how you really have to break out of your shell to make it through the year, and your life.

Honestly - I drove to SJSU by myself to go to my college freshman orientation. As soon as I pulled out of the driveway - at 4:30am - I felt a small tinge of fear tug at my nerves. I was getting scared of the freedom that was being handed to me. Sure, acquiring your driver's license is a "rite of passage", however, I felt that traveling to San Jose without my mother was my true rite of passage. Interestingly enough, eight-or-so days prior to this "event", I had driven all the way to Sonoma State University (approximately 2 hours north of SJSU). But, what made that experience different from this one was that I wasn't alone. I wasn't traveling for the sake of wanderlust. I was traveling because I was on a future mission - this adventure was mandatory in my growth as a person, my life, my major, my freedom from the constraints of a small-town existence.

This trip changed me. Turning 18 years old changed me. I feel like I need to mature - I just don't know how to. How do I shrug off the youth of the life I bare?

Yo, hopefully as I stay at San Jose I'll learn what it is that I'm exactly trying to find. I guess you could say that I'm "trying to find myself" - however, my methods, my morals, have skewed. I don't need to endlessly drive California to reach my goals. Hell, in retrospect, driving farther than my limits would probably screw me up more. All I know is that, during just those two days, that was the loneliest I had felt in a long while.

Saying Goodbye to the Sun

Today I gave myself the liberty of watching the sun set. I didn't plan it, but I was parked at the beach at the time, so I figured it would be a relaxing thing to do after a long trip up north (which will be told later - it was an adventure in its own right). I had my ukulele in the truck, so as I was waiting for the sun to lower down below the horizontal line of the great Pacific Ocean, I polished my "Lucky" skills, and waited. 

It has been a while since I've let myself relax to such an extent. This whole summer I haven't been to the beach once, and even though I didn't go swim or compel myself to actually surf, it was nice to just chill there with no worries. My window's were rolled down, and as I plucked the strings of my uke, I felt the sea breeze flow through my hair, and I inhaled the salty sea mist. Yesterday, I was in San Francisco. And, even though it was basically the same as Morro Bay, the ocean here was different from the bay there. Nothing is the same as home.   

The thing that got me the most from this trivial experience was how everyone that was around me, and even those on the beach stopped whatever they were doing (from riding their bike to playing frisbee) just to watch the sun fall. I never really think that much about the sun (except for "AHHHH IT'S HOT." or "AHHHH Y U SO COLD?"), but I think a lot of us take it for granted. We, as humans, are given so much - albeit, some of us are still so unhappy about things. The world is a fantastic place, and few of us just don't appreciate it.

As I looked around at the locals and tourists alike, us all watching the sunset, I couldn't help but feel that by that one moment, we were all connected somehow. 

The feeling of it was quite beautiful.

Stats are funny...

Yeah so I was talking to one of my good friends about our blogs the other day during our Lady Gaga dance video/fan music video practice (don't ask...I'll probably talk about it sometime when we're done with it - it's too fantastic to keep hidden), and today I picked the conversation back up in my head while I was driving home from watching another friend get a tattoo.

[Personal thought: Wow! I know a lot of interesting people.]

She was telling me (the blog friend, not the tattoo friend) how she tracks her stats and whatnot on her blog. Normally, I do check for her blog updates, mostly because she writes more, and despite me getting angry at some of the things she writes about (unrequited romance, all that shiznit), she does have some interesting things to say, good points and reflections, and random stuff that nobody would understand unless they were there during that situation (I know her in person, so I'm in about 30% give-or-take of her posts). And so in the conversation, I was put on spot because I linked her blog to a Yahoo! Answers question, and she tracked it back to me.

Heh. I suppose it doesn't help that it is Yahoo!, and that I allow it to show my name because they're my email provider.

I'm not gonna lie - I got kind of embarrassed and it felt sort of awkward (like that guilty feeling, even when you technically didn't do anything bad or wrong). And sure, even if my example of the certain blog post didn't really answer the question - I think it did, she doesn't - I didn't do anything wrong in posting it on a public engine. The internet is public anyway you freakin' look at it - which is both awesome and pretty sad. Sadly awesome. Awesomely sad. Yadda yadda.

[Tangent: Every time I see "yadda yadda" I think of that Grease song at the end of the movie, after that big race and they're all at the school carnival, and they all start singing like "Asdkjflsadkgjalsgjlajgag-ada-ada-ding-dong, bang-bang-shadda-sha-dop-da-dop, we'll always be together...wahooooooo YEAH!"


...


...leave me alone.]


[Tangent#2: When I think of "tangent" I think of the color orange.]


PANCAKES.

God, I'm so random.

But the fact that she tracked me makes me laugh a little, just because I used to do that when I was an avid writer on fanfiction.net. I would check who read my story, where they were from, if they had an "appropriate" bio, or if they were just the people who had a profile just for the sake of reviewing a story (that kind of always made me a little frustrated, because I wanted to know more about them...if that doesn't sound weird).

Yeah dude, I just thought that was a funny instance. I have some other post ideas, but I'll let them slide for now.

Oh yeah, happy first of July :DD