Every Thursday night I go to SJSU's Tsunami Anime club. There, we watch six different series, one episode each in chronological order with two intermissions in-between. I normally just stay for the first hour, because the meeting hall is all the way across campus; the reason being why I leave so early is that I don't want to get raped or shanked or jacked or killed on my way back to my dorm room. However, every time I get to anime club, and watch an episode of Canaan, I die a little inside.
I die two ways.
One way - the cuteness overwhelms me to the point of unshed tears. No lie. When Maria and Canaan have their cute little best-friend moments I inwardly squeal with such joy that my night gets made right there on the spot. Who doesn't like seeing such a pure friendship? Who doesn't get instantly happy when you see two people happy and in the moment of such a sanctified friendship? It just kills me so much that I have to blink a bunch of times to get the tears out of my eyes (call me a sap if you want, IDGF.)
The second way - the best-friend moments overwhelm me with such unbearable sadness I have to look away for a moment. I'm sure it was episode 3 where Canaan feels the "rejection" color from Maria after saving her. Rejection hurts. Seeing others getting rejected hurts. Especially when one performs an action perfectly, believing that they were doing the right thing and then get shot down by the person they were trying to please because of a misunderstanding. Or, even the lack of seeing a person for their truly pure intentions while you're there sitting and afraid of your friend who had already done so much for you - and you're caught in the act of selfishness and forget about them. And so the night that was made was instantly ruined because pain injects itself into my big, useless heart.
I'm in the desert again, walking towards nothing but mountains of sand. My hope is as long as the trail of footprints behind me, getting blown away by the wind.
That last little bit almost made me cry...
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